Diana Rodriguez Wallach

Since When Is All Chick Lit “Trashy” and “Cliché”?

2008-08-18T00:37:00.008-04:00

If you’re reading my blog, you know that I write YA. And technically the term “chick lit” is usually reserved for adult women’s fiction, but I think it’s safe to say that many YA novels are written with a similar voice. Now, if you’re new to the publishing world, lemme sum up: “chick lit” gets a lot of flack. (Don’t believe me? Here’s one of the many articles on the subject.)

And I never really understood all the hub-bub. God forbid, women put out books that are clever and entertaining. I know all I ever want to read about is death and depression (note the hint of sarcasm).

Personally, I don’t consider Amor and Summer Secrets to have a strong chick lit voice—but the style is definitely closer to that than it is to say, The Grapes of Wrath. So if reviewers want to lump my novels into that category, then I consider myself in good company. After all, some of my favorite authors—Marian Keyes, Helen Fielding, and Jennifer Weiner (who’s my neighbor, by the way)—have made the genre famous and have elevated it to a level that I think should be synonymous with “smart and witty” and not “trashy and cliché.” But alas, that is was what I recently read in one reviewer’s blog.

Now, I’m new to the publishing biz, so I don’t plan to start things off by burning any bridges. This means (sorry to disappoint you), that I won’t be giving the reviewer’s name. (My book isn’t even out yet, people! I can’t be creating enemies already!)

However, I will say that the review I speak of here is NOT for my own book. Seriously. Actually, it’s for a YA book that I haven’t even read yet, so take from that what you will.

But in this review, which received a good rating, the blogger laced it with more backhanded compliments than a Simon Cowell critique on American Idol. First, it started off by stating that you might expect this novel to be “cliché,” but it was actually kind of good. Gee, thanks. I’m sure the author felt all warm and fuzzy after that. Then, the reviewer—who called the book “definitely chick lit”—said it was a perk that the novel didn’t convey the “bad messages” that most other books in the genre do. And that it is impressive that the book managed to be a fun read without being “all trashy.”

Wow, now that’s a cover blurb. “Read XXXX, it’s not as trashy as you think!”

I don’t even know the author in question here, but I took offense to this. How horrible it is to have novels featuring female characters who A) go to school or have jobs, B) have personal and professional conflicts, C) solve their own problems, and D) are enjoyable to read about? Talk about your bad messages…

But I’m betting that this reviewer is jumping on the bandwagon with the other cool kids who think that chick-lit, and it’s YA counterpart, promote materialism . (Omigod! Did you know that Carrie Bradshaw owns a lot of shoes?)

And while the brand-dropping stereotype might be true at times, to use that as a basis for a book review seems pretty shallow in my opinion. And don’t get me started on people who judge a book by the color of its cover. (Oh, no! My cover has pink in it. What does that say about it me? Oh, wait. That’s right. I didn’t design the cover, a marketing department did…But I love it anyway. Isn’t it awesome?)

But I digress…take a look at the Gossip Girl series. Yes, it features designer tags, but the characters are also highly educated, motivated, and focused on making it into Ivy League colleges. Where’s the bad message there? The characters are also under immense pressure to succeed from their high-powered parents whose careers pay for the Prada labels on their backs. Does that factor in at all?

My point is, when are reviewers going to stop blindly attacking the “chick lit” genre? What happened to reading books for their individual merit rather than through the lens of some preconceived stereotype? “Not as bad as the other books in this genre” is NOT a compliment. In fact, I don’t think other books in the perceived genre have much of a place in any reviewer’s remarks—especially when the review is only a couple of paragraphs long and not an in-depth feature analyzing an entire classification of literature. Stick with the book that is in front of you and judge it based on that.

Besides, there’s nothing wrong with a woman wearing nice shoes—fictional or otherwise. What are we supposed to do, dress all our characters like the Amish? Hey, I could be onto something… “Amish lit.” Everyone would have to take that seriously. I see a Pulitzer in my future.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Buffy-vs.-Twilight

I just got Season 2 of Buffy in a discount bin and I’m LOVING re-watching these episodes. And I must say, reminiscing with Buffy so soon after reading Breaking Dawn has got me thinking. Clearly Bella is no Buffy Summers. Buffy’s dialogue alone leaves me in awe, let alone her ability to kick some vampire butt. But my question is, who’s the better vampire boyfriend: Angel or Edward Cullen? Both are undeniably hot, both are “vegetarians,” both have been undead for more than a century and are thus perfect gentlemen, and both put their women on a pedestal. But if it came down to it, vampire-to-vampire, who would win in a fight? My money’s on Angel. His “scary vampire face” beats Edward’s “sparkling” any day ;-)

Move Over Scorsese, the Next Oscar’s Mine

2008-08-13T23:50:00.005-04:00

Some of you may know that in a former life I was a broadcast journalism major at Boston University. I mastered the fine art of 10-word sentences, one minute packages, and supers flying across the screen. I even worked for WCVB ABC Boston as an evening news intern—nobody could hand out scripts like I could. And who knew all that training was preparing me to one day edit my very own BOOK TRAILER!

Oh, yes. I busted out the vacation video I shot in Puerto Rico last fall—from the fort in Old San Juan to my dad’s old church in Utuado. Then I headed over to Suburban Square Shopping Center on Monday to take some photos and video deep in the heart of the Main Line. I also promptly Googled “royalty free production music” to download some killer tracts to lay across my images (and who says elevator music can’t be awesome?). And, of course, I wouldn’t be a film producer if I didn’t have a script—so I banged one of those out too.

Then I spent about fifteen minutes reading the “Help” menu on Windows Movie Maker (did you know this comes free with your laptop? I had no idea until I checked ‘Start’ and ‘Programs.’ Go look, it’s there.). Turns out it’s a pretty easy program to use—granted there was a time when I could edit footage on professional news equipment. But trust me, this is way easier than adding “color bars” to a VHS tape before you can lay down the voice-over audio. However, I do now wish I owned a Mac. I was limited in the transitions I could use, and I couldn’t change the timing of those transitions or lay graphics over video (other than plain text). So, Santa if you’re reading this, an iMac would make an excellent stocking stuffer.

Thus, without further ado, here it is….my directorial debut! All shot on location in Puerto Rico and the Main Line—by the author! (So I guess that makes this my cinematography debut as well.)

Ladies and gentleman please rise for…. Amor and Summer Secrets, THE BOOK TRAILER!

Well, what’d ya think? Did you like it? Send me a comment and tell me your thoughts!

Also, it’s on YouTube (though the quality there isn’t as good, it looks like it got distorted during the compression process). But if you’ve got a YouTube account and you’d like to rate my video and give me wonderful feedback, CLICK HERE!

POP-CULTURE RANT: Beach Volleyball

So, as you know, my watching of the Olympics has reached addictive levels. I think there is a part of me that always wanted to be on a Wheaties box—though I sucked at sports (wait, does cheerleading count?). Anyway I was watching beach volleyball, and I noticed that in between every play the “stadium” blares music at unusually loud decibels considering that there are only four people on the court. And their song choices are hysterical even if they were playing in an arena football stadium. But somehow watching the Olympics in Beijing and hearing “Kung Fu Fighting” after a serve seemed particularly odd. So was “Walk Like an Egyptian” after a spike. And “Fight for the Right to Party” after a block. How are the players expected to “Go for Gold” with that as their theme music? At least play the Rocky anthem or something. Go USA!

Are Authors Becoming Avon Ladies?

2008-08-11T23:59:00.004-04:00

I had this thought the other day. I was going around to bookstores in South Jersey, dropping off bookplates for all three YA novels in my series (yay!) and introducing myself to store managers. And every time I walked from the parking lot to the store, I had the distinct urge to change into a pink suit, ring a doorbell and yell “Avon calling!” (Not that there’s anything wrong with Avon. It’s a lovely company, I’m sure).

But here’s the thing—I’m not shy. I also don’t fear public speaking (that much). But even I get nervous introducing myself to book sellers for the first time. Do other authors feel this way? I can’t imagine what it would be like if you were introverted.

Add to that, I’m in the process of editing my book trailer (stay tuned, it should be ready by Friday). And while I was logging the footage I shot on my last trip to Puerto Rico, laying down audio, and overlapping titles, I wondered—what do people do who don’t have a broadcast journalism degree? It’s not like first time authors (at least most of them) are rolling around in extra dough.

And how about websites? I’m lucky enough to have a husband who works for an online advertising agency. Hence, my website was free. My web designer even works weekends (from the couch next to me…in his PJs). But I can’t imagine what it would cost to pay someone do all this.

Not to mention, this morning I sent out a Media Advisory about my book launch party to a couple dozen reporters in the Philadelphia area. Many of these are contacts I had developed through my previous job (handling marketing for a nonprofit). Now of course, authors don’t have to do this. We all have publicists who do their part. But I think it’s nice to give it that extra effort. Because let’s face it, no one’s going to work harder for your success than you are.

But my point is, it almost seems like to be an author these days you need a degree in graphic design, an MBA, a few years in film school and your own PR firm. I think they should come out with an “Apprentice: Extreme Publishing Edition.” Because if we can fake our way through all of this, then we can surely handle the Donald.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Olympics

I’m obsessed with the Olympics. It’s almost as bad as my obsession with the primaries during the Obama/Hillary race. But, wow, talk about stepping up. I’m convinced at this point that Michael Phelps is a superhero. He and Lance Armstrong should have their own country where they train other people were similar superpowers. I mean, did you guys see that men’s relay race? My husband and I were jumping up and down! And I can’t wait for the women’s gymnastic finals. I even find beach volleyball interesting. U-S-A! U-S-A!

SPOILER ALERT: My Take On Breaking Dawn

2008-08-08T12:10:00.007-04:00

Let me start off by stating that I think Stephenie Meyer is a YA Rock Star. She’s like John Lennon to me. I would probably freak out like a Beatle fan if I ever saw her in person.

So obviously I’ve read her latest/final installment of the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn (which sold 1.3 million copies in one day. Wow. )

And being a loyal Twilighter, I tuned in last night to watch a streaming webcast of Stephenie’s “Breaking Dawn Concert Series.” For those who don’t know, the author did a multi-city sold-out tour with Justin Furstenfeld of Blue October (dare to dream, right?).

Nothing against Justin, but I logged on simply to hear Stephenie answer some questions. Because anyone who’s been following this story (or message boards) knows that the reaction to Breaking Dawn has been mixed.

So to get it out of the way, let me just say right off the bat: I liked the book. It’s my second favorite in the series. And this is why.

SPOILERS BELOW. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.

I absolutely, unequivocally LOVED Twilight (the first book in the series). It had me so gripped that I was staying up late on my vacation reading rather than going to Borgata (slots, anyone?). What had me dazzled was Stephenie’s description of Bella and Edward’s interactions—whether they were in a meadow, a car or a cafeteria. As many have said, the character of Bella is so relatable that you can see yourself in her place and thus fall in love with Edward yourself. I completely agree.

So when I got to New Moon (the second book in the series), I was disappointed to see that Edward’s character had been abandoned to develop “this Jacob person” (as I call him). I didn’t enjoy his long intrusion into the story. And to top it off, I didn’t like that Edward had walked out on his true love without looking back. During my entire first read of the book, I had assumed the “voice” in Bella’s head was, in fact, Edward. I thought he had managed to find away to project his mind into hers (it makes sense, how else would she know to be fearful of Jacob? Or how to handle Laurent?). So when that wasn’t the case, I was disappointed.

New Moon is my least favorite in the series. But I loved it none the less, don’t get me wrong.

Eclipse left me with a similar mixed reaction. I was happy to have Edward back, but I resented his character for leaving in the last book. Add to that, Bella still being inexplicably drawn to Jacob. I completely believed her when she said repeatedly that she loved Jacob like a “brother,” and I was shocked when she suddenly found herself kissing him, professing her love for him, and envisioning their future babies. Huh? I thought this was Romeo and Juliet. You can’t have Juliet simply find someone else after Romeo dies and be relatively happy. That’s not how it goes.

So that said, my main wish for Breaking Dawn was that all this Jacob nonsense would disappear. Bella would no longer feel torn between them. And I got my wish.

Bella and Edward were married within the opening pages, they had a honeymoon, Jacob accepted Bella’s choice and he began to understand Edward’s love for her, and in the end they all live happily ever after—like the fairytale it is. Yay, me!

That isn’t to say that I didn’t notice many of things that fans are up in arms over. When I read that Bella was pregnant with Edward’s baby, I was as floored as everyone else. I even smiled thinking, “Stephenie’s going to have a lot of explaining to do.” Because I had read the interviews that implied a vampire baby was impossible. But, being a fellow author, I gave Stephenie the benefit of the doubt. I had read that this was the sequel to Twilight she had always intended to write, so I sat back and enjoyed it as if all of the Vampire Mating Threads didn’t exist.

I liked that Bella was happy, and I liked the twist the baby added to the story. Imagine readers, if you hadn’t read so many interviews, if you hadn’t joined so many message boards, if you hadn’t written so much fan fiction, if you hadn’t spent so much time SPECULATING, would the baby bother you so much? I think not.

I think the flaw here isn’t with the story, it was with us over-thinking things before the story came out. We wanted Bella’s change to be romantic; it wasn’t. But given the story, it was exactly the way it should be. We wanted Jacob to imprint. He did. No, it wasn’t on Leah or a new girl in town, but hey, he got a happy ending. We wanted the wedding and the honeymoon to be romantic. Now this is up to interpretation. I think there wasn’t enough emotion in these scenes—my exact reaction was she “yadda yadda’d” over the sex. However, I’ve read others who think Bella and Edward were “sex crazed.” So, clearly with such mixed reactions, Stephenie treaded the line (though some more foreplay would’ve been nice).

And the last two pages of the book, without a doubt, made the whole series worth it. So I’m not only satisfied, but I’m in awe of Ms. Meyer and what she’s created. My only hope is to read more. Come on, who doesn’t want to read Breaking Dawn from Edward’s point of view? I know I do.

And if Bono ever wants to come out and do a concert series to promote one of my books, I’m available. Call my agent. ;)

Me and Bono at our future World Tour
P.S. This is completely Photoshopped, but maybe one day....

It’s My Party and I’ll Blog If I Want To

2008-08-06T23:20:00.006-04:00

It is now officially less than one month until the debut of my first novel. Let the countdown begin! Oddly enough, no matter how long you spend trying to get your manuscript to this point, it’s surprising how scary it is the closer the date gets.

When you spend your life as a bit of an over-achiever, you think about failure a lot. Anything below a “B” in school is depressing. Anything other than a perfect score on your employee evaluations is insulting. And then, as a writer, the struggle to get an agent. The rejections from editors. The nervous questions from friends and family about when they’ll finally be able to buy your book.

All of that can be ulcer-inducing. But the idea of THE WORLD having access to something you’ve created opens you up to a whole lot more when it comes to the nervousness department. My husband is already dreading the day I get my first negative review (if you’ve seen one already…or written one, please don’t tell me).

But another more entertaining aspect also comes along with all the fear of judgment. You get to celebrate!

I WROTE A BOOK! It’s going to be at your local Barnes & Noble. It’s going to be in sold for actual money. And I’m going to have a party!

I sent out invites this week to my upcoming Book Launch Party in Philadelphia. I’ve never been to a book launch party before, let alone hosted one, so my husband and I are pretty much winging this. We’re hosting it at a restaurant with Latino music, an open bar (margaritas and mojitos anyone?), and tasty Latin-fusion appetizers. So it should be very festive. Plus, I’m going to have a quick reading and a Q&A before my signing. I think that’s going to be the weirdest part—having people line up to get my signature on a book. (You mean it’s not just gonna be my mom there?). It’s still hard to fathom. Not that long ago, I couldn’t even write a query letter. And now, wow. Dare to dream people.

I’m also stunned by how many people have already RSVP’d and how encouraging everyone’s responses are. You expect to hear kind words from your immediate friends and family, but sometimes it almost means more to hear it from less acquainted people who have no reason to be so nice. So thank you all! See you at the party!

POP-CULTURE RANT: Brett Favre

Seriously, Brett? The man is one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the game. He’s the man other players are judged against—the accurate passer who never gets hurt and who loves the game. Other quarterbacks grew up wanting to be him (Tony Romo, anyone?). He inspired not only his fans (who adore him), but people everywhere who wore his jersey no matter what state they lived in. And now—Poof!—he will forever go down as a traitor. A man who didn’t know when to quit. A man willing to turn his back on his endlessly loyal fans and be traded to the enemy (though despite his first choice of going to the Minnesota Vikings, looks like he'll now be going to the NY Jets). A man who erased his impressive legacy in one big swoop. How, after a career as stellar as his, could he be willing to kick himself out of retirement, leave Green Bay, play for some mediocre team, and ultimately retire someplace else? Come on. Say it ain’t so, Brett? But I guess if New York doesn’t work out, there’s always arena football.

All That Twitters Isn’t Gold

2008-07-31T23:48:00.003-04:00

We interrupt this blog to report that the coolest thing just happened… Dennis Cass, the creator of the awesome YouTube sensation “Book Promotion 2.0,” just emailed to thank me for posting his video on my blog. How nice is that? Thanks, Dennis! And I’m keeping an eye out for your debut on Rock Band!

Now, back to the blog…

If you were paying attention to Mr. Cass’s video, you probably caught some funky promotional words you may not have heard of before like, “Dig, Delicious, Twitter, etc.” And I’m happy to report that I have joined the technological masses and created a Twitter account.

What is Twitter, you ask? I’m not gonna act all superior and pretend that you should totally know this already. Because about a week ago, I’d never heard of it. But alas, here I am twittering. So, here goes. Twitter is basically a blog where you can only post two sentences at a time. The intent is to let people know what you’re doing, in that instant, in short bursts.

Now, on the surface it seems like a silly idea. After all, I already have a blog, a MySpace account and I’m a member of several writer-related message boards. But as I’ve mentioned before, a lot of friends and family seem curious about what I do all day. So, I’m looking at Twitter as a way to answer those questions.

If you really want to know what I accomplish, professionally, on a daily basis come read all about it at: http://twitter.com/dianarwallach.

You also might see a few familiar faces in my “followers” section. You know who you are :)

And if you really can’t get enough of me—or if you just find it frustrating that I post these blogs randomly with no set schedule making it hard for you to keep up with—you can now SUBSCRIBE to my blog on my website. We’ve added the “RSS Feed” feature on the right-hand side of the page (the little orange icon). For the technologically challenged, if you click on icon, you can then choose to “subscribe” to my blog and get updated every time I post something new. Enjoy!

Also for anyone hoping to get a sneak peak inside “Amor and Summer Secrets,” I took my techie interests over to another popular website, Wordle.net. I cut and pasted my entire manuscript into their submission field and in return I got this awesome image of the “most popular words” used in my novel. The bigger the word, the more I used it. Make of it what you will. But “Lilly” and “Vince” seem rather popular, so do “Puerto” and “Rico.” Go figure.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Breaking Dawn

The final installment of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga comes out this weekend. I’m a 30-year-old woman obsessed with this teen series. I preordered my copy from Amazon a month ago. But you know what’s annoying? Despite having four weeks notice, Amazon will not be getting my copy to my doorstep the day that it’s released. Instead I have to wait until the shipping department gets back to work on Monday to process my order. This means I probably won’t get my book until Wednesday. Come on, Amazon. You can send me emails detailing everything I ever purchased and recommending “things I might like.” But you can’t get me my book the day that it’s released? Really?

I’m Gonna Write a Hit Song and Get it on Guitar Hero

2008-07-29T22:21:00.005-04:00

If you’re in publishing, at some point in the past two months you’ve probably seen the video “Book Promotion 2.0.” It’s hysterical, like rolling-on-the-floor-laughing hysterical. And the thing is I can pretty much bet that most people not in publishing don’t understand a single humorous thing about it. I guess this because I have fielded every one of the promotional suggestions in this clip. And the people offering that advice were not trying to be funny.

So, to any readers who haven’t seen it, might I suggest you watch the video now. Go ahead, I’ll wait:

Now I know a joke isn’t funny if you have to explain it but, trust me, if I (or any other writer) had a dollar for every time we were greeted with, “Hey, maybe you can get your book on Oprah!” we wouldn’t need book advances.

And how about when he asks, “What am I doing? Yes. That is the question.” I almost spit my coffee on my computer screen. I have had friends and family go so far as to ask, “What are you doing to fill your time?” As if because I (finally) got a book deal, I can now sit back and eat bonbons and shop QVC while the money rolls in.

People are shocked when I tell them I still have to edit the book—actually three books. And despite the fact that I’m publishing a trilogy and I wrote three books in one year, I had someone as recently as two weeks ago suggest that I have tons of free time on my hands because I “don’t have a full work day.” At the time that comment was made, I was simultaneously editing two books while writing an entirely new one. But, hey, my laptop does all the work. I just sit here daydreaming.

My husband says I need to do a better job explaining to people what I do, because I know you all mean well. Truly, I do. But I’m just not used to having to talk about work in that much detail. Let alone repeat those details to everyone I know.

But since Dennis Cass opened the door, I might as well enjoy his platform. So here are a few more anecdotes in case Cass ever makes “Book Promotion 3.0.” Might I suggest:

Despite the growing popularity of “cell phone books” in Japan, I really don’t think I’ll be text messaging my novel to anyone anytime soon.

I also think that selling the movie rights would be a great way to promote my novel, but unfortunately Steven Spielberg continues not to take my calls.

And no, I don’t think I’ll be able to get James Earl Jones to read the audio book—if the rights ever sell. And it won’t be my voice on the audio book either. Believe me, no one wants to hear that.

Yes, I did hear about Stephanie Meyer’s promotional concert series for “Breaking Dawn,” but unfortunately I don’t think I’ll be able to sell out Madison Square Garden quite yet. But I will try to get some midnight release parties planned at bookstores when my first novel comes out. That type of thing is absolutely common place these days.

And thanks for recommending the publicist you used to promote your new Indian Restaurant, but I’m not sure if she’s the right person to get my books in the hands of teenagers. However, I’ll be sure to give her a call.

And yeah, it would be awesome to have fan sites with message boards and fan fiction, but I need to have readers first. I can’t really make those sites myself. That’d be kinda weird.

So thank you Dennis Cass for giving us authors a good laugh. Though I do have to disagree with you on one thing. If I’m gonna write a hit song, I’d rather have it on Rock Band. Guitar Hero is so five minutes ago.

POP-CULTURE RANT: So You Think You Can Dance

Seriously, America! You voted out Will. Seriously? Mark the quirky guy remains safe, but Will and Twitch were in the bottom two. Did you all fall asleep while dialing? Now, I know I have no room to judge. I don’t vote. I just watch. But like the judges, I trusted America to get it right. I’m so disappointed in all of you. I guess I’ll just have to wait to see Will when he joins Alvin Ailey. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time at this point. All hail Twitch!

Breakfast at the Waldorf Anyone? My Meeting with my Editor...

2008-07-23T11:03:00.002-04:00

I was back in my old stomping grounds on Monday. I gotta say, it’s amazing to see things in New York unveiled that had been under scaffolding the entire time I lived there—like the new subway entrance near Penn Station and the new Borders near Madison Square Garden. I worked at One Penn Plaza for nearly three years and when I walked out of the train station two days ago, I was almost confused because the area looked so renovated. Of course, when I worked there it was immediately following 9/11, so most of my memories of those sidewalks were of standing aimlessly waiting for our “Fire Safety Warden” to clear the building of the “suspicious alarm” that was triggered. Ah, the memories…

Anyway, I headed up to NYC to meet with my editor for breakfast and then with my former college roommate who’s on maternity leave. It was a full day. And I got a lot of free food, including a $22 two-egg omelet at Oscar’s Restaurant at the Waldorf. And you know what? It tasted like eggs.

Personally, I think it’s always good to a get a little face time with people who are crucial to your career. I met with my agent when I first signed with her (coincidentally, I had already planned a vacation to L.A. that perfectly corresponded with her offer for representation). But now I get to picture her whenever we talk, and I really feel like I know her better. If it weren’t for that meeting, she’d be some strange version of “Charlie” on Charlie’s Angels—a mysterious voice on the phone who gives me advice on missions (or books).

So, likewise, it was great to meet with my editor again. We had already had lunch together when I had first signed the contract, and at the time, I got to talk about edits and meet with the art director who’d be designing my covers.

This time, my editor and I discussed book promotions. This is the hard part of the process, because authors don’t have a lot of control over what happens here. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m doing my part. I’ve mailed all of my ARCs to reviewers, I’ve gone around to local bookstores to introduce myself and give away bookplates, and I’ve even sent out my own press releases to schools and reporters.

But I can’t control things like print runs, or publicists, or Walmart. And this type of stuff can drive you crazy; so consequently, I’ve decided to take a cue from mass cards everywhere and learn to “accept the things I cannot change.” It’s more fun to focus on the writing, and my book launch party, and my MySpace page. Besides I’ve got a really cool WIP that my agent is reading right now. That’s why I got into this business. I’ll let my husband handle the sales stuff. It’s what he does. ;)

Thankfully after my fancy lunch, I got to spend the day with my former college roommate and her new baby. I’d post his picture here (he’s adorable!), but I doubt the Internet is a safe place for baby pictures. Don’t worry, Margit, I’ll try not to forward those cell phone pics to too many people! Hehe.

But, the little man gave me a nice way to end the day. Plus, I got him the cutest new outfit—a black onesie with a sketch of a wagon that says “That’s How I Roll.” And of course, being an author, I also got him a board book. If you know anyone who has kids in the city, they’ll love this, “Urban Babies Wear Black." I don’t know how many copies I’ve given as gifts, and I have no affiliation with this author. Truly. It’s just a really cute book.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Reruns

You know the summer line up sucks when you find yourself scanning the “Free Movie” section of On Demand. Have you looked at some of the movies there? I actually watched a few minutes of “Village of the Damned,” because I’d never heard of it yet it starred Christopher Reeves, so I thought it had to be good. Wrong. Very, very wrong. I miss Lost already. How long until the new season starts?

Oh, to Finally Hold the Book in My Hands

2008-07-16T23:05:00.003-04:00

So it’s real now. I really wrote a book. And it’s really going to be published. I know this shouldn’t come as a surprise at this point, but still nothing prepares you for receiving a random FedEx in the middle of the afternoon that, upon opening, you see is filled with copies of your first book!!

We’re not talking galleys here; these are not bound versions of a rough draft laced with typos and a plain pink cover. No, this is the actual book. The final copy. All the revisions are there. The cover is on. My bio and photo are on the back. My dedication is present, and my teaser covers are displayed.

But for some reason, with all that, it was the Acknowledgments page that first caught my eye. I read through the entire page again almost as if for the first time (it’s been awhile since I wrote it). And I actually teared up. Just seeing the names of all the people who helped me get to this point—from my agent to my parents to my teachers to my husband—I felt (to borrow a page from Mike Myers in Coffee Talk) ferclempt.

It takes a lot of hard work to get to this point, people. I’m not just talking about writing and editing. I’m talking about the querying, the submissions, the rejections, the heartbreak, the whole package of misery that comes with trying to sell a book. But now it’s paying off. I can literally touch it. My manuscript is a real book, and it doesn’t just exist on my computer anymore!

So of course, with a lump in my throat, I immediately took a photo of my box of beautiful books with my camera phone and sent the picture message to my husband. It was 7pm, and he was still in an office meeting (he works too much). So then I sent the photo to my agent, who cheerful replied with congratulatory enthusiasm. And then, I patiently read another author’s book while I waited for my husband to get home and celebrate with me, which he eventually did.

We went out to a celebratory dinner, and when I got back I had him take a picture of me. So here it is for prosperity—a photo of me on the day I held my first book:

Aren’t they gorgeous? Dontcha just wanna run out and buy one? And the good news is – you can! Click here to preorder! Shameless plug, sorry. But if you go to Amazon, you can read the first chapter of the book online. Check it out and get a sneak peek.

POP-CULTURE RANT: General Hospital

First I have to start off with, “Where, oh, where is Sam McCall?” That poor girl has been left hanging on the back burner for far too long. I was thrilled to see her today, even though it was for a lame counterfeit drug storyline. But her sudden reappearance made me notice something else—it’s not only Sam who’s been back-burnered, it’s also Elizabeth. I’m wondering if the writer’s were as sick of the baby Jake storyline as the viewers, and they decided these two needed a break before their fan bases actually killed each other. If so, it’s understandable, but let’s not take this too far. There’s only so much Kate Howard I can stand.

The First Review Is In! Drum Roll Please……

2008-07-09T22:43:00.005-04:00

When you’re unpublished and you sit down to write your first novel, you don’t think much beyond, “Hey, I wonder if I can write a whole book.”

You’re not thinking about anyone else reading it. At least I wasn’t. It’s more of a nagging story in your head that comes to you some way or another (in my case, a dream) and presents a challenge: can you actually do it?

Then once you’ve finished, you start thinking that maybe this little story is pretty good. Maybe you could get some money for it. Maybe you could even get it published. So you start Googling, “How to get your book published.” You go through the steps: you land an agent, you go on submission, you stress, you panic, you curse every rejection letter, than….MIRACLE! Someone likes it. An editor makes an offer! You jump for joy, or in my case, dance around at a Mardi Gras parade on Fat Tuesday in New Orleans.

But still, even though you’ve got an agent, an editor and a publisher, you’re still not thinking of people actually “reading” your book. Instead you’ve got deadlines to worry about. You’ve got edits to complete. You’ve got proofs to look over, a website to build, a blog to write, sequels to finish, etc.

Then reality sets in. Your pub date gets closer (say two months away). You start seeing your book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders, and even MTV.

Now, it’s all REAL. And, of course, with that comes your first review. Shudder.

So, low and behold, without further ado….Ladies and gentleman…I present to you…my first review!

This fast-paced and tension-filled story pulls the reader into Mariana's world, as she experiences her first adventure off her own turf and finds love. Amor and Summer Secrets is an enjoyable read, and once you pick this book up, you won't be able to put it down. The first of three books, it will leave you wanting to read more from this talented new author.

Reviewer: Alice Berger

You can read the whole thing at: http://bergersbookreviews.blogspot.com/2008/07/amor-and-summer-secrets_07.html

I can’t tell you how nerve wracking it is to know that people will now be reading and judging my work. But it’s great that the first one’s out of the way and it’s GOOD, YAY!

And to add to the good news, I’ve decided to release the covers and titles of the two sequels in the series. So if you can’t get enough of Mariana Ruiz after “Amor and Summer Secrets,” keep an eye out for:

AMIGAS AND SCHOOL SCANDALS, November 2008

AND…

ADIOS TO ALL THE DRAMA, January 2009

POP-CULTURE RANT: Twilight Series

So, I’ve been rereading the Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer in anticipation for the launch of the final installment, “Breaking Dawn.” I’ve already pre-ordered my copy and I can’t wait until August! Anyway, I love this series, truly I do, but….

SPOILER ALERT (do not read further if you haven’t read the series)…

I. Hate. Jacob. Black.

I’m sorry Stephenie, but I have to say it. This character makes no sense to me. The entire series is centered around this tortured true love affair between Bella and Edward. I love them. I want more of them. And as I re-read “New Moon,” I’m almost reminded of the sixth season of Buffy. You know, when she comes back from the dead all depressed and suddenly starts sleeping with Spike. Viewers everywhere were like, “WTF?” Aside from the musical (best episode ever BTW – I have the ripped soundtrack), it was a really dark season that veered off course—away from Buffy and Angel, her true love. I feel almost the same way about “New Moon.” It’s a great book, and exceptionally written, but man, it’s really depressing. And the end leaves me not liking Edward for leaving her like that. Sure, Eclipse ultimately redeemed him, but still—really depressing.

Ten Reasons Why Not to Work at the Jersey Shore

2008-06-26T16:13:00.000-04:00

When you live in Philly, the closest coastline is that of the lovely Garden State. Us shoobies (vacationers who mob the shore points and make it miserable for the locals) frequent the beaches from Atlantic City (though I’m not sure if anyone actually touches the water there) to beautiful Victorian Cape May. I, personally, am a big fan of Avalon, Stone Harbor and Seas Isle City. My body, however, is not.

You see I’m allergic to New Jersey. Seriously.

I have to medicate myself with Claritin, nasal spray and allergy eye drops every time I visit the state just so I don’t sneeze myself into a coma. But somehow this doesn’t seem to prevent me from hitting the beaches. And this summer, I made the mistake of thinking I could actually get some work accomplished while hanging seaside. Yeah, not so much.

So I’ve decided to create a Top Ten list of…

Reasons It’s Not Possible to Work at the Jersey Shore

10. If you’re sharing a house with a family that has two small children it might be hard to concentrate over Sesame Street and bedtime tantrums.

9. If the house has five bedrooms and each one is occupied with at least two friends/family members, you’re lucky to get time to use the bathroom alone edit your novel.

8. When your rental house has a security-enabled Internet connection and the owners don’t leave the password, it’s hard to rely on the stolen wireless signals of neighbors long enough to check your email.

7. Nice beach days. ‘Nuf said.

6. You’ve pre-cooked three meals for the household and are now responsible for heating them up. And drinking some wine while you cook, and maybe a little beer…

5. When your options of activities range from sitting in the sun, to walking on the boardwalk, to biking to a nature reserve, to getting ice cream—it’s hard to chose the “edit my novel” option.

4. When the shower is drain is clogged with sand, you have to unclog it. And it can take awhile, so you might need another beer.

3. Little kids make lots of noise—did I mention this already?

2. You’d rather read someone else’s novel while sitting on your beach chair than read you own novel for the millionth time.

And number one….

1. My body breaks out in hives when exposed to Jersey air for more than four days. I’m not joking. My legs and arms look like I have leprosy by the end of the week, and I can only survive on Benadryl for so long before I have to rightfully return myself to the City of Brotherly Love.

Sorry Jersey, but as much as I love your seashells and water ice, there’s only so much this Philly Girl can take.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Twilight

I haven’t seen TV in a week, so I have no boob tube rants to report. But I will say that I’m reading Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight and I’m loving it. I was worried that it might be too “Buffy” with a mortal falling in love with a vampire and all—and I love Buffy, so I’m not willing to accept a lowly substitution. But it’s very intriguing in its own right and I can’t wait to read more. It definitely deserves all the praise it received. However, I’m still upset that Buffy is no longer on and I do sometimes find myself humming the musical while turning the pages.

It’s getting hot in here…

2008-06-11T12:34:00.006-04:00

So if you live anywhere in the Northeast, you’re sweating right now. A lot. Like it’s disgusting here—record-breaking, 100 degree temperatures in Philadelphia with humidity that feels like you’re walking through hot sauce.

Even my cat is protesting the heat wave, because let’s face it, you know it’s bad when your cat shows no interest in going outside. She’s barely moving off her chair—except to vomit.

Now, I could keep the air conditioner running full blast to keep from dripping like that girl in the Ring movies. But, a) I don’t want to go broke given that my electricity bill already costs more than my mortgage, and b) if I pump up the AC nonstop doesn’t that mean all those documentaries I watched on global warming were for nothing?

So, yesterday I decided to work at a coffee shop. They’ve got free internet and free air conditioning, which at this point is my vision of heaven. And while there, I ran into a colleague of mine who’s been helping me plan my book launch party. She was also there hoping to suck up the AC. You see, when you live in Philadelphia and your house is four stories high with your office on the top floor, working from home can get a bit uncomfortable. And by “uncomfortable,” I mean you find yourself cursing your own sense of logic at purchasing a 175-year-old, vertical home surrounded by nothing but brick and pavement. So, I’ve resorted to working in my kitchen, which is in my basement, because it’s cooler (really, you gotta visit Philly to understand). That means I’m working surrounded by my dishwasher, my washer-dryer and my HVAC system, which when all running simultaneously can sound a bit like the opening scene to Saving Private Ryan.

Anyway, I spent most of yesterday reaching out to schools in the Philadelphia area about possible speaking engagements in the fall (when my series launches). And I got a great response! Four school districts are already planning to host me. But that’s not the best part. I spoke to my former high school English teacher and she was so sweet!

First, isn’t it nice to just to be remembered? I graduated with about 400 students let’s just say a few years ago. Second, it’s even better when said teacher sends a glowing email that even your grandma couldn’t write (if my grandma were alive and actually able to write in English). And finally, my English teacher forwarded my email to my Spanish teacher who sent an equally nice email—in Spanish!

After this experience, I have to say to all of you writers out there, when the rejections are pouring in and you feel like you can’t write yourself a Hallmark card, think of contacting your high school teachers. Because you wouldn’t have become writers without them, and they deserve to know how much they influenced you. Plus, you get some really uplifting responses in return, which when your knee-deep in miserable responses from editors can make you feel all warm and fuzzy. Not that you need any help in the warm department—at least not until this heat wave ends.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Legally Blonde The Musical

Now, I haven’t seen the Broadway show…yet. But this “reality” competition on MTV is hysterical, and I’m not sure that’s its intention. Some of these girls are trying so hard to act like Elle Woods that they sound like complete crazies. I’m all for showing a little self-confidence, and I love Legally Blonde, but Elle is a fictional character! Her perky spunk is meant for the stage. And looking into a camera and saying that you’re “awesome, blossom, fabulous, fantastic,” might be taking things one bend-and-snap too far.

New Summer Blockbuster: Wedding Crashers Meets the Perfect Storm

2008-06-05T23:56:00.007-04:00

I may have mentioned this before but the year I got married, my husband and I attended TEN weddings (ours being the 10th). My world revolved around the never-ending flow of ivory invitations. That was almost four years ago. And you’d think the wave would be over. How could we possibly know more people?

Um, we do.

We were invited to five weddings between last August and now. Three were held on the same day—seriously—of which we attended two (drove from Philly to Princeton and back again). My husband was asked to be a groomsman in one and the best man in the other. Between now and October, we have another five weddings. Of which I am a bridesmaid in one. Three are destination weddings.

In the last three months, I’ve gone to two baby showers, and I was invited to three bridal showers and a bat mitzvah. My husband just attended a bachelor party last weekend, and I have a bachelorette party coming up.

It is The Perfect Storm.

All those friends and relatives who got married the year I did are now having babies, so their showers and first birthday parties are clashing with the new crop of brides who are having their own showers and receptions. Then toss in the fact that we’re all also turning 30, and thus hosting numerous surprise parties (including my own), and you’ve got yourself a heaping stack of RSVP cards (plus an uncanny ability to navigate an online registry).

We put Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn to shame. And we can party like them too. Because despite our rapidly filling calendars, we love our friends and we love a good a wedding band. Come on, open bars are awesome!

So, just to add to the madness, I’ve decided to plan my book launch party right in the middle of the chaos. In a three-week span in September, I’ll attend two weddings (one of which I’m in) and host my book party.

And I have to say, preparing for this does kinda take me back to my wedding planning days. I’ve gotten to check out different venues, meet with caterers, negotiate prices, plan a guest list and talk to vendors. I even have a meeting planner who’s offering her advice. And I’ve got a theme!

Now if I could only wear my wedding dress….do you think a tiara would be too much?

Us at our last wedding. Can you tell its the end of the night?

POP-CULTURE RANT: So You Think You Can Dance

So, I understand it’s hard to disagree with your boss. And I get that Nigel Lythgoe is the executive producer of the show, but you’d think occasionally these judges sitting beside him might express a difference of opinion. It’s like they all sit there waiting for their great leader to give the thumbs up or down before they dare speak their minds. If Nigel’s “on the fence,” then they all are; if he then says “yes,” then they all suddenly say yes. I don’t think I’ve seen a judge disagree with him yet. Come on, people, even Paula disagrees with Simon sometimes. Show some backbone!

Didn’t I Already Write This?

2008-05-30T00:58:00.005-04:00

If you read my last blog, you know that I recently traveled to Italy to do some research for my WIP. I love doing research like this. My husband and I ran all around Rome, Venice and Cortona plotting out scenes from the manuscript. We scouted the streets the characters would walk down, the places for romantic encounters, and the location of the dramatic conclusion. I mapped it all out. I had to. I only had 10 days to answer any potential questions that might come up.

Problem is that I had only written about 60% of the book before my trip. So in order to make the most of my travels, I had to create an outline for the first time in my writing career. This means I now know if the characters will fall in love. I know if the protagonist achieves her goal. I know all the twists and turns. In other words, I know everything.

This sucks.

Usually I write organically. I sit down with a vague idea of a character, an initiating incident and a climax. Then I fill in the rest as I go along. It just sort of pours out. Then about 75% of the way through, I’m usually positive that book is total crap so I spend a few days thinking about “what’s missing.” I wait for the brilliant idea, then “Eureka!” I add it in and charge toward the ending.

This whole process is completely different.

I feel like I’ve written the book already. But I still have about 30,000 words to go. You’d think the fact that I’ve already written it in my head would allow me to put it down on paper faster, but it’s sort of like watching a movie when someone’s already spoiled the ending. The element of surprise is gone.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my WIP. It’s my favorite project so far. I’ve put tons of time into the research, which I never did with my previous books. I mulled it over in my brain for almost a year before I got started. I’ve been talking to my agent about it endlessly. I think it may be my one GREAT idea.

Now if I could just finish writing the damn thing…

POP-CULTURE RANT: Saturday Night Live

“Where am I? Oh, yeah. I’m at Brett’s house.”

So I was on vacation and I’ve just gotten around to watching the last two SNLs on DVR (which is one of the most important inventions of my lifetime). They were the episodes with Shia LaBeouf and Steve Carell. Now, nothing against Shia (the guy from the Transformers movie if you’ve never heard of him), but I didn’t have high hopes for his episode. So when it sucked, and it sucked BIG time, it didn’t phase me. But Steve Carell? He’s funny. Really, really funny. And his episode utterly and completely blew. In fact the only funny episode this whole season was Tina Fey’s. I still laugh just thinking about her Rock of Love spoof. “I’m rocking one leg, jealous!” SNL, you need another Tina!

Vacation all I ever wanted…Back from Italy!

2008-05-22T13:52:00.021-04:00

Ciao! I’m back from Italy a few pounds heavier (oh, the food) and a few Euros poorer (ouch, the conversion rate).

My husband and I had a wonderful vacation all the way from Rome to Tuscany to Venice. And I even did some work. Part of my WIP will be set in Italy, so I ran around a few cities scouting locations for upcoming scenes. It was a lot of fun. Forget the Internet, this is how you do research—sipping chianti and riding a gondola.

Now, while I could write an entire novel about the food (we had Bolognese sauce in Bologna and steak Florentine in Florence, ‘nuf said), I will keep my observations to these:

1. After you’ve seen the Vatican, everything else is just a duomo.
2. Burying popes in glass coffins on display in the middle of St. Peter’s Basilica is really, really weird.
3. If you’re looking to start up a new business, much of Italy could use a good power washer. Let’s face it, 2,000 years of soot (and graffiti) builds up.
4. $1 espressos, 10 times a day, rock.
5. A Fiat Punto can only drive so fast.
6. Those Italian spaghetti bowls at William Sonoma are actually MADE IN ITALY. We met the guy whose store hand makes them. He knows “William.” Coolest person ever!
7. Make sure you know when the last train out of Verona leaves and if you don’t, there’s a very helpful Best Western a few blocks away :-)
8. There is no place to lie down inside the Colosseum to reenact the death scene from Gladiator. “Go to them, Maximus…”
9. If you’re watching the next James Bond movie and you think you see some random person in the background who looks like me, it might just be! They were filming the next sequel while we were in Siena.
10. Watch that 20/20 special on the Secrets of the Sistine Chapel. I think I found at least two of the angels that Michelangelo painted to give the pope the finger.
11. If you’re on a bike tour in Chianti and everyone is passing you like lightening while you can’t move faster than a Slowsky in a Comcast commercial, you might want to speak up. Turns out that swishing sound your tire’s making could be a brake that’s been locked for several miles.
12. In Venice, the ratio of tourists to guys selling knock-off handbags is one-to-one. Avoid eye contact (and yes, a knock-off of an Italian bag bought in Italy is still fake – and still made in China).
13. Riding in a gondola at night kind of makes you feel like you’re in a scene from Phantom of the Opera.
14. I don’t care what sort of live music you’ve got going on in your outdoor café, but one beer is never worth 9.5 Euro (approx. $15 USD). I’m talking to you, San Marco’s Piazza.
15. All of Rome is constructed on cobblestone streets, and the Roman women walking around in four-inch heels deserve some sort of Lifetime Achievement Award from the fashion industry.
16. The Leaning Tower of Pisa is just a tower that leans– but it’s AWESOME!

And finally….
17. When you get back home and look at your photos, it’s hard to tell one vista from another. “Is that Cortona? Or Florence? No, maybe Chianti?” Yes, it is possible to over-vista.

POP-CULTURE RANT: David Cook, Whoo Hoo!

I am truly stunned. I’ve been a David Cook fan all season, but I thought it was a forgone conclusion that David Archuleta would win. I had a lengthy conversation with another American couple in Italy about this very fact (four grown adults discussing American Idol for an hour over dinner is somewhat embarrassing in retrospect). But, seriously, the judges practically gift wrapped the title and handed it to Archuleta last night with tears in their eyes. But I guess they weren’t the ones voting! The rocker took the title. And Simon ate his words—even better! Congrats Rocker David!

You CAN Judge a Book by its Cover

2008-05-08T00:17:00.002-04:00

It’s hard to get published. Duh. There are oodles of writers out there who are (regrettably) slaving away on manuscripts that will never land at a bookstore near you. And a common piece of advice offered by many published authors is that there is no magic trick to expedite the process because when it comes down to it, “it’s all about the writing.”

Yeah, turns out that advice is only true when landing an agent and an editor. Once your book sells, the letters can practically drip off the page like alphabet soup because it’s all about the marketing, folks.

Clever titles catch readers’ eyes. Pretty covers get primo placement in bookstores. The words inside? Eh, leave that for the critics who will only review your book if it has a pretty cover and catchy title. Or if it was written by a celebrity.

Worst part about it? Authors have zero influence over the glossy image that graces the manuscript they practically bled on. We don’t even get much of a say in our own title. Seriously.

We sit, panicky, in front of our computer monitors waiting for that email with the cover art and praying that we don’t hate it. Because if we do, oh well. Too bad. The sales team loves it.

I’m currently waiting to receive the cover image and final title approval for the third book in my series. I’m praying that I love it (Is there a patron saint of graphic designers? Font choices? Color schemes?).

So, here’s hoping it’s as awesome as my first book cover, which I LOVE. You’d be surprised how many single guy friends ask me if I can introduce them to the gorgeous model. Pervs. She’s, like, fifteen! And no, I don’t know her. Though I would love to randomly run into her on the street one day.

Hey, this is a MySpace world. The girl probably has a page somewhere. So if you’re reading this and you’re my cover model, totally leave a comment! I’ll even put you in my top friends. :-)

POP-CULTURE RANT: Tom Cruise

So did you guys see his two interviews on Oprah? He’s totally sane again! I’m so happy. He acted almost like a young Tom Cruise, circa A Few Good Men. He and “Kate” (as he calls her) seem so happy. And talk about a piece of gorgeous property. Never been to Telluride, but I’m so adding it to my list. And didn’t you love how he leather-bound all his scripts with his hand-written notes. I’m already thinking about doing that with my manuscripts, though I doubt they’d catch as much at Sotheby’s as his would. Cheers to Oprah for asking the hard questions we’d all want to ask, and cheers to Tom for answering them!

My House Is Trying To Kill Me

2008-05-01T23:05:00.001-04:00

My house is haunted. I haven’t had ghost hunters investigate or anything, but I’m positive there are numerous spirits hanging out with me at any given moment. My cat likes them. They keep her company.

And I’m not joking.

I live in a brick townhome in Philadelphia that was built in 1832. Do you know how many people have probably lived (and died) in this house over the past 176 years? Andrew Jackson was president when this house was built. Georgia was forcing its resident Native Americans to relocate under the (later proved unconstitutional) Indian Removal Act. The electromagnetic telegraph was invented.

Think about it—that was a long time ago. I mean, there’s a sinkhole in my yard from where the outhouse used to be (though I can boast that my home still has the original floors).

It’s safe to say that at least one person died here. And I’m guessing many more.

That said, some strange things have happened. It started with my bedroom stereo. I bought a CD of classical piano music and, for months, whenever it was in CD player, the stereo would mysteriously start playing at random hours of the day. Now, I know what you’re thinking—it’s the sleep function or my cat or a power surge. My husband tried to rationalize it too. But A) I’ve never used the sleep function and I have no idea how to set it; B) it only happens when this particular classical CD is loaded; and C) in order to play a CD, someone needs to hit the power button, switch the “function” from radio to CD, then manually hit play—that’s a lot of buttons to blame on my cat (though she’s very smart) or random electricity.

I told friends about my ghosts, and they told me to talk to them (again, I think there’s more than one). So I do. One day, I kindly asked the ghosts to refrain from playing the stereo while I was in the house, but I gave them free reign to go nuts whenever I was gone.

It worked. Until they sat on me.

Yup, about a year ago, I woke up and couldn’t move. I don’t have any medical conditions (like seizures) that could account for my temporary paralysis, and I wasn’t dreaming. My eyes were wide open, I was looking all over my room and I was thinking, “I’m awake. I’m definitely awake. And I can’t move.” It felt like someone was sitting on my chest.

Then it stopped. Suddenly, the weight was lifted, and I could move again. I ran out of the room.

Now tonight, an evening when I had TONS of work to do, I fell down the stairs. This is the fourth time I’ve fallen down the stairs since I moved in. And I’m not that clumsy. Seriously. I take yoga. I can balance on one leg like nobody’s business. You should see me hold a Warrior Three or a Half Moon. But here I sit, with ice on my back and tailbone (ouch) in between ice cycles on my forearms (banged my elbows), blaming the mysterious spirits who should be a little more appreciative of the renovations we’ve done to raise the value of their humble abode.

Now in all fairness to the ghosts, I do live in a trinity (four-story house with one room per floor and the kitchen in the basement—it’s old school Philly style). So to get from my family room to my kitchen, I have to go down three flights of stairs. I’m not a statistician, but that ups my odds of falling considerably, I’m sure.

But still, I think sometimes the ghosts are just rebelling against me. Maybe they want me to put that CD back in.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Boston Legal

This is less of a rant and more of a standing ovation. Did anyone see Boston Legal this week? I just watched it on DVR, and I must applaud the writers for exposing the idiocy of the democratic primary. All the pledged delegates, super delegates, open caucuses, smoke-filled-rooms—it’s utter madness. Why can’t we just go with the popular vote? Why can’t a candidate win a state and get all the points? It’s just silly and confusing, and I commend Boston Legal for pointing out that we shouldn’t be invading countries to set up democracies when we can’t even figure out our own.

If at first you don’t succeed… Hope you do the second time. Or maybe the third…

2008-04-25T17:18:00.004-04:00

I watch a lot of Oprah. I have a long history with the woman that stretches back to me and my grandma when I was a tiny chica in grade school. I now DVR the show every day. I own Oprah’s 20th anniversary DVDs and the book she released at Christmas. My husband thinks I’m crazy.

However, some of the philosophies that Miss O touts really do make sense. For example, one popular refrain is that if you don’t learn a lesson the first time, you will continue to be faced with that same lesson your whole life until you finally get it through your thick skull. However, she phrases it much more elegantly. Something like, “God speaks in a whisper, and if you don’t get it, he tosses a pebble, then a stone, then brick, until the whole house falls on you.”

I’m in the throws of several life lessons at the moment. And I’m really hoping that I get them this time, and that I don’t end up with my house in a pile of bricks (and this is Philly, so it would be brick…and shutters).

I’m currently going through the copy edits for my second book. Now, when I had received the copy edits for Amor, it was the first time I was faced with the “secret code” of copy editors—all those red squiggly lines and hieroglyphics that make up the corrections to my prose. It took about two weeks to decipher them, read them, add in my changes and mail them back.

I didn’t make a copy.

You can probably guess where this is going. A couple of weeks ago, I received the proofs for Amor and many of my changes had been accidentally overlooked by typesetters, or printers, or somebody. I had to recreate them all from scratch. My wonderful mother-in-law even volunteered to read the book (two times! How great is she!) in one panicked week to help me look for additional errors. And all the while, my poor agent was saying, “You really should’ve made a copy.”

This time, I will.

And while that may be an easy lesson to learn, I find that those lessons dealing with your personal life are much harder to recognize. I’m blessed that in my 30 years, I’ve formed a lot of close friendships. My husband and I joke that we’re the real-life “wedding crashers,” only we’re always invited (10 weddings the year that we got married, and another 10 this current year). I know all the words to “Shout!,” I can also recite First Corinthians and chant a mean “Baruch Atah Adonai…”

But I also know that with friends, family and festive functions, comes drama. I’ve had to deal with people who were afraid to walk up steps at a reception (we’re talking, like, five steps), people who have relieved themselves in areas that were not bathrooms, and people who have blown the surprise for the bridal shower. But whether the problems result from big things, like scheduling conflicts, or little things, like car bombs (the alcoholic kind, not the dangerous kind…though I guess they’re both kinda dangerous), something always comes up. Always.

Now, the question is, have I learned enough from dealing with my past experiences to apply those lessons to this next crop of weddings? Or will I wait until I need to learn a lesson so big that it’s on national television (like that diva from the Big Give who Oprah reprimanded in the after show…ouch. Watch it here: http://www.oprah.com/about/oprahsbiggive/episodes/106/episodes_114.jhtml)?

I’m hoping I figure it out before I end up on national TV. But if I don’t, then I hope it’s Oprah I end up on and not Jerry Springer. I’m not good at throwing chairs.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Elections

So…..now that the PA primaries are over, Hillary and Barack don’t call anymore? It’s just over? No, goodbye. I was receiving a good four messages a day from Hil. Another two from Barack. And another two from John Dougherty (State Senate, but man did that guy have a ton of cash for a promotional campaign. He called me as much as Michelle Obama). I mean, Barack’s people offered to drive me to the polls! Hillary’s people invited me to rallies! We were close. I was important. Real-life, non-computer generated people even called me. And now, poof! It’s just over. Barack was in Indiana before the primary numbers were even in. And CNN’s already forgotten about us. I feel so used…

Starve a Cold, Edit a Fever? No Wait, Write a Fever?

2008-04-16T15:21:00.014-04:00

You know those times when you feel so overwhelmed that you don’t want to do anything? We’ve all been there: like finals week in college, or the deadline before the big meeting, or the days leading up to a major event. To this day, I still remember that dog-awful Women’s Studies final I had junior year at BU; it was the most intense cram-session of my life. And it was a class I took as an elective!

Anyway, I’m currently in the midst of one of those overwhelming moments. And in response, my body has given me the flu.

Twisted, isn’t it?

I just turned in the proofs of Amor and Summer Secrets, coughing all the way to UPS. When I got home, the copy edits for the sequel were sitting on my doorstep. I have less than two weeks to make my changes and send them back. I actually laid on the couch yesterday afternoon with my head on a pillow and read the first 40 pages (though considering the amount of meds that were in my system, I’m not sure how much I can rely on my judgment at the time). I also wrote 1,000 words for my WIP, which I was hoping to finish next month but now I’m not so certain. Damn you, flu bug!

Oh, did I mention that I still do consulting for my former company? And that they’ve asked me to do a newsletter for them in the next two weeks? But they still haven’t sent me the copy.

At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hillary asked me to help run her PA campaign. Oh wait, they did call and ask me to attend a rally before the debate tonight. But, sadly, I think my fever and I will be watching it from the couch—completely ruining my husband’s tailgating plans. We wanted to set up an Eagles tent and folding chairs outside the Constitution Center while grilling burgers and drinking cans of Coors Light. “Every time they say ‘healthcare,’ drink!”

Who knows, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and be miraculously cured. I mean, the Pope is only two hours away. Do his healing vibes stretch this far?

POP-CULTURE RANT: Hillary's Drexel University Speech

Okay, I get that she’s famous and needs to be “protected” and all, but did the little Secret Service guys with the wires in their ears really need to push me away and cause me to lose my chance at an autograph? I don’t exactly look like Osama bin Laden, folks. Come on, how threatening am I? You see, I have this list of 100 things to do before I die, and one of them is “Meet the President.” I already met John McCain in New Hampshire when he ran for president the last time. So I was hoping to shake Hillary’s hand and solidify the fact that I had “officially” met her. Instead, all I got was this photo of her and Mayor Nutter (note: Mayor Nutter is not the Secret Service guy standing behind her in the close up). Do you think it counts? Anyway, look out, Barack, you’re next on my list! Only, your people don’t seem to be calling me as much as the Clintons…

Witches and Psychics and Tarot….Oh, My!

2008-04-10T16:16:00.002-04:00

For those of you who have read through my website (and if you haven’t, go ahead and do it now. I’ll wait… http://www.dianarodriguezwallach.com/for_writers.html), you know about my fated trip to a Salem, Massachusetts psychic in 2002. To sum up, back when I was living in Manhattan—working as a reporter and searching for career direction—my husband and I took a lovely trip to enjoy the autumn leaves of New England. While in Salem, I randomly visited a psychic who told me that I was not only a writer but that I would go on to write children’s books.

Prior to that, I had never considered writing a novel.

So now, years later, with the launch of my YA series on the horizon, I decided it was time to head back to that fated psychic. But, because this isn’t a Hollywood movie, I arrived to find out that she no longer works there. Maybe one day Oprah will track her down for me for an on-camera reunion after I sell a million books :)

Anyhow, I didn’t let a little thing like an absentee psychic stop me. So I made an appointment with the fortuneteller who was available.

While I was a little disappointed that she couldn’t tell I was writer, she did have a couple of keen insights. Here’s what she said:

I’m an artist (YA authors are artists, right? I mean, I’m not van Gogh or anything…). 1 Point

I’m a graphic artist (technically this is true, because I still do design consulting for a few clients). 2 Points

I’m in Public Relations (technically, this is also true because prior to selling my novel, I did PR for a nonprofit). 2 Points

I’m going to take a trip near the ocean (True! I’m going to Italy next month. Jealous?). 2 Points

I have plans to do many other things during my professional life (Not true. At least I hope not, Debbie Downer. I’m sort of banking on this book thing panning out). Minus 2 Points

She sees a “TV Camera” (This could be true because I was a broadcast journalism major in college, but I’m sort of hoping she was referring to the above-mentioned Oprah appearance). 1 Point
My current WIP draws more on my personal life (False! Amor is much more rooted in my real-life background). Minus 1 Point

My current WIP is more “intellectual” (True, I’m spinning a lot of history in this manuscript. For more info, check out my blog last week on Agent 006.5). 1 Point

The man who arrived with me was my “boyfriend” or “fiancé” (False. The man’s my husband. Hello, ring on my finger. What kinda psychic misses that clue?). Minus 2 Points

We’re looking to buy a new house (Half true. We already have a house but we look at new houses all the time on the Internet, we just don’t visit any of them. As Aerosmith says: Dream on, dream until your dreams come true…). No Points - call it a draw

She offered loads of insights on my current novel, editor and publishing process (I won’t share it all due to the amount of stories it would require to explain why they’re true. But trust me, she was freakishly accurate). 5 Points

All in all, I give this psychic a 14 out of a possible 20 points. This is a solid C-grade, which is fair given that she missed the big fish—that I’m an author.

However, she gets LOTS of bonus points for projecting that Amor would sell well and that my WIP would be even more successful. Plus, she sensed intense “heat” for my professional future to a degree that she’s “never felt before.” Hehe. Gotta love the glowing positive projections at $30 for 15 minutes!

Do you think she would have told me if she saw my career flopping? Has anyone ever been told by a psychic that they have two weeks to live? I’m guessing no. But then again, that’s not why we visit them. Salem is the Disneyland of psychics. And everyone goes home happy after a visit with Mickey.

POP-CULTURE RANT: General Hospital

There are two separate yet divided fan groups of GH: Team Sam and Team Liz. I’m a Sam fan. Odd, I know. She’s the bad girl and I, let’s just say, am not. But hey, no one’s watching soap operas for a dose of reality. I embrace the craziness that is Sam McCall. But where’s she been lately? The storylines all orbit around Sonny and Kate; and if they keep shoving this “Devil Wears Prada” rip off down my throat, I’m gonna have to insist they pay some sort damages for copyright infringement. Regardless, let’s get Kelly Monaco some more screen time. And please writers, consider never waking Michael from his coma. He’s annoying: you know and the fans know it. Put that little pre-teen character out of his misery.

My Covert Op with Agent 006.5

2008-04-02T22:57:00.002-04:00

I sat on a barstool, a martini in my hand. Before the first sip touched my lips, an older gentleman appeared beside me. His head was clear of any hair that might have grown in his youth, but his face was confident with a strong brow and rounded cheeks. I could tell he must have been handsome in decades past.

“Look straight ahead,” he ordered, his deep voice displaying a thick Eastern European accent.

My eyes snapped to my wide-mouthed glass.

“Are you her?” He lit a cigarette.

“That depends. You got a name?”

He blew a cloud of smoke on the mahogany bar. “You want a name or do you want information? Because you can’t have both.”

He was one of the most wanted communist secrets agents of the Cold War and that was how I met him…

Okay, not really.

But it sounds WAY cooler than how things really went down. :)

Yes, I did really meet with a communist spy on Monday. And, yes, the Czechoslovakian government did have a death warrant on his head for decades. But these days Lawrence Martin-Bittman is a very pleasant older gentleman living in Rockport, Massachusetts who paints watercolors for a living.

It’s a far cry from his days as Deputy Chief of Prague’s bureau of black propaganda. During the ‘50s and ‘60s, the man scuba dived into lakes to plant false Nazi war chests, he organized trips to manipulate foreign reporters, and he spread pro-communist propaganda worldwide. But that was before he emigrated to the states under political asylum to escape the Soviet tankers that invaded Prague in 1968. And before he was sentenced to be executed if he ever stepped foot back in his home country. And before he became a professor at Boston University.

He kinda makes your life seem dull, doesn’t he?

I mean, seriously, I wrote a couple of YA novels. Lawrence Martin-Bittman has written about a dozen books (under his given name, Ladislav Bittman), all on his experiences as a communist spy. Heck, he even went on to teach a journalism course about how to detect the types of propaganda he was so successful at spreading.

And it was this expertise, in the field of disinformation, that led me to meet with him. I’m in the midst of new WIP that deals with international espionage and global propaganda, and how lucky am I that I happened to graduate from the one University linked with the foremost expert on the subject? Thanks, BU for hooking up an alumna!

The man couldn’t have been nicer. He invited me into his home, spoke to me for two hours, and offered me his opinions on everything from how to start a privatized espionage ring (more common than you might think) to whether the famous WMDs were the part of the greatest disinformation operation in world history (probably not).

He even gave me a print of one of his paintings. And he’s really good. Check it out.

It’s a view of his hometown of Prague, a city that welcomed him back in the mid-90s when they finally lifted their death warrant. A city I happened to have been visiting on 9/11 when my apartment (five blocks from Ground Zero) was being caked in dust. A city I remember vividly and am happy to have represented in my home.

It was an honor to meet Mr. Martin-Bittman. And I thank him so much for obliging me.

I mean, come on, it’s not often you get to meet a real James Bond. Though he doesn’t like to be referred to as 007. Instead, he named his artist studio “006.5.” I think that makes him even extra cool.

POP-CULTURE RANT: Dolly Parton

Okay, I get that she’s this big country music icon, but my God, did American Idol suck this week. Any one of them could be going home. And the fact that America had to cast those votes is a sad case of “blaming the victim.” Poor David Cook sang a song about a “Little Sparrow;” there’s no way to make that bird cool, no matter how well you sing it. And I realize that Dolly has had dozens of Number One hits with these records. But country music fan or not, that entire show, in the words of Simon Cowell, was “utterly forgettable.” What’s next? Idols very special tribute to line dancing?

My Super Sweet Book Launch Party!

2008-03-26T21:02:00.003-04:00

Since I’ve sold my book, I’ve had to dispel many of my friends’ and family’s myths about the publishing business, because there seems to be some delusions that novel writing is a speedway to Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous (oh, don’t we wish).

First, the success of J.K. Rowling is not a reasonably attainable goal, despite the fact that many people still wish me luck by saying, “Here’s hoping you’re the next Harry Potter!” I appreciate the sentiment, truly I know you mean well, but it’s kinda like telling a struggling actor that you hope he becomes the next Brad Pitt when really he’s just hoping to make the chorus of the next off-Broadway musical.

Second, I will not (regrettably) be going on a nationwide multi-city tour equipped with my own tour bus and groupies. I’ll be lucky to have book signing at my local Borders (if it’s not bought out by then). Publishers justifiably tend to put the big tour dollars behind established best-selling authors. I’m a debut YA novelist. I’ve got a ways to go before I hit that echelon. And part of the publishing process is learning the art of patience. I can wait (and secretly laugh at the finale of October Road. when a 28-year old literary novelist is asked to go on a World Tour with U2 to read excerpts of his book on stage—and the author DECLINES).

Third, book launch parties are thrown by authors. Yup, that advance we get usually goes toward paying our bills, paying for a publicist, or paying for our own congratulatory party. So, no, my publisher (again, regrettably) will not be renting out the Philadelphia Convention Center to ring in the debut of Amor and Summer Secrets with thousands of screaming Beatlemania-esque fans.

Instead, I will be paying to host my friends, family, business contacts, and any local reporters (all are welcome) at a local restaurant. Why? Because this is the greatest accomplishment of my entire life and I have been dancing in my house since the minute it sold. It is about time I celebrate this achievement with someone other than my cat and my husband.

I know how hard this business is and I know how many writers out there would do just about anything to get their book sold. Well, maybe they wouldn’t do this…

But, whatever, this is a big moment and I deserve a party. So get ready for some mojitos!

POP-CULTURE RANT: Dexter

I’m too cheap to pay for Showtime, so I’m watching this series for the first time on CBS. Now, my husband has made fun of me for years for watching the twisted crimes presented on Law & Order SVU. This is especially true when he goes to a bachelor party for the weekend and I think it’s a good idea to sit in my city home and watch episodes of a serial rapist crawling through bedroom windows (then I can’t fall asleep, wonder why?). Anyway, Dexter makes SVU look like Disney programming. We’re talking sick here, people. I’ve never seen a show/movie about a sociopath told from the sociopath’s point of view. And the fact that there is a writer out there who can so accurately depict this character’s state of mind, kinda freaks me out little. But, I suppose, that’s whole point.